It saddens me to think of all the television I've never watched; thankfully, they seem to be putting anything and everything out in DVD boxed sets, featuring individually-tailored, breathy audio commentary by Heather Langenkamp (my dream complete series boxed set of Just the Ten of Us, which may or may not exist).
I realize that DVDs are a vital link in the movie business chain, especially where the phrase "Speed Racer will finally make its money back on BluRay 3-disc Platinum Edition, because people like being made nauseous by a candy-colored amalgam of F-Zero-lookin' brain-crap in the privacy of their own homes" is concerned. However, some of these television compilations are made inexplicable by their narrow appeal and the idea that somebody actually worked on individually tailored DVD menu graphics for them. These are all real shows:
-- The Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Show (The Complete Series): Wow, I'd gotten tired of all those Korean bootlegs of the Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Show with one or two episodes missing.
-- The Suite Life of Zack & Cody [Lip Synchin' in the Rain]: I'm just going to quote from the Amazon production description and then curl up in the fetal position: “The curtain is going up on THE SUITE LIFE OF ZACK & CODY: LIP SYNCHIN' IN THE RAIN! Get ready to laugh out loud at four outrageously funny episodes from the hit Disney Channel original series packed with mischief mayhem and music! Plus discover if Dylan and Cole Sprouse are exactly alike in the exclusive "Twin-Tastic" bonus feature loaded with fun facts and cool trivia about real-life twins and watch the sidesplitting gag reel featuring hilarious never-before-seen moments from the entire cast!” Please tell me "twin-tastic" is going to be the hot new adjective of the 2010s.
-- Criss Angel Mindfreak (Best Of): I have several questions: (a) what do any of those words mean? (b) is the DVD 12 minutes of static? (c) can you get ahead in business by shouting MINDFREAK at people?
-- Ice Road Truckers: On and Off The Ice: These are some of the most unappealing gay couples ever.
-- The Legend of BraveStarr Vol. 2: No idea who this (animated) guy was; judging from the cover-art, he's some sort of multiethnic sheriff riding Barbaro after he's been through the 6 Million Dollar Horse Program.
-- Tori & Dean Inn Love: That writers' strike must have hit really hard, what with reality shows featuring weird 90210 supporting characters popping up out of nowhere. Was Watch Gabrielle Carteris Change Oil At Jiffy Lube considered non-viable?
-- Walker Texas Ranger Six-Pack: For the low, low price of $160, you can see thousands of examples of shitty acting, repetitive writing, and proper application of the chestnut-colored Just for Men beard-dye!
And it goes on: In the next several months, you will have your choice of B.L. Stryker Season 2, B.L. Stryker The Complete Series, or, for you really on-the-go types, the Best of B.L. Stryker. Completists with a lot of disposable income can get all three ways of Burt Reynolds phoning it in. Optional audio commentary features frequent guest star Dom DeLuise wheeze-laughing for 47 consecutive minutes.